To heal the burning of your sorrow,
I seek a flame.
To gather the dust of your door,
I seek the palms of my hands.
To deal with you hiding behind your holiness,
I seek a good time instead.

-RUMI

Grief / Issues

Different people respond differently to grief or issues.

One woman might focus all of her jealous insecurities on the ex-girlfriend of her lover. The woman I have in mind harbored hatred in her heart for someone she had never even met, creating wildly unreasonable scenarios in her mind to justify and spread her hate. Realistically, it is sad that she is so self-loathing that she has to deal with her issues in this way.

I witnessed a woman attack two people she had never met last night- a man who I believe set her off, and a woman who was an innocent bystander. This poor twenty-something drunk woman obviously had suffered greatly as a victim and was taking her issues out on others that night...

My friend is finally leaving her abusive husband of twelve years- and he is acting to defame her and damage all he might have access to before she is gone.

We all act out when we are grieved. It is easy to fall into the trap of not caring about the healthy way to heal from our hurts, whether it be victimization, a death in the family, or an ending relationship. People are self-centered and when they are upset, their own pain is all they can see or feel.

Please, people- get some counseling! This is what psychologists are for: to help us through our issues and to make healthier choices for ourselves and those we affect. There is no shame in calling on an outsider to get help to work though serious issues that could affect our thinking and beliefs for the rest of our lives if we don't deal with them. We also tend to fall into self-destructive patterns. Emotional wounds don't heal like physical wounds- we have to work through our issues and come out better for it. It takes work and an open mind.

We all grieve and have issues. I deal with mine by writing, crying, and yes, I do go to counseling. It does help.

HOPE

I am woman. Hear me roar.

I have never been the average girl. I am tall and some find me imposing. The only time I have felt petite is standing next to my 7’3” brother. I have never been too into hair and make up either. I’m pretty, but rarely “high maintenance” pretty.

Anyway, to add to this dynamic that I grew up with, I have taken on activities that are more guy-focused. Martial arts for one. I used to have these big thick-necked guys come in to talk about classes, and they looked at me a certain way (oh the girl- she must work the front desk or sales). They looked at me a whole different way after their introductory lesson with me. Martial arts not only changed my persona, but I always had to work harder than the men in the industry to prove that I was just as good/strong/skilled as they were.

The newest thing that I have done lately that causes this phenomena where people look at me differently is my motorcycle. It’s mostly a guy stereotype, and the girl is stereotypically supposed to be the passenger.

I have a pretty feminine jacket and a butterfly helmet. I ride everywhere I can, and I LOVE it. People STARE though. Men and women look at me like they can’t believe that a lady would be riding her own bike. Many of the women I encounter this way catch my eye and then stick their thumbs up- there is a certain empowerment to this, and women seem to understand and support this dynamic.
I have joined a couple of welcoming lady rider groups, and they are a variety of fantastic women who share pride in doing what they do. There is a tint of feminism in the general attitude among them, and I love it. I am woman, hear me roar.

Stepping- or Riding Out!

I just bought my first motorcycle. A friend accompanied me for my first time riding it (and I was so thankful he was there). I stalled and restarted it a few times and drained the battery. I push-started it a few times while I was out. Hooray for hills and a friendly guy to help push my bike!

Anyway, I am not a mechanical person- AT ALL. I do enjoy being an empowered woman though. Another friend offered to charge my battery for me, but that meant that I had to either ride the bike to his house (and I'm too new to ride on the scary freeway just yet), or take the battery to his house. This meant that I had to figure out where the battery was on my bike, then take it out. It took me quite a bit of time and a few consults to the wonderful MOM (Motorcycle Owner's Manual), but I did it. I even saved all the bolts and remembered how to put the thing back in!

It's funny how my neighbors looked at me- out in my driveway, turning a wrench on my bike. It made me smile. Yeah, I am that kind of girl.

Anyway, I decided that I need to practice on my bike and get better at riding it so I can take it out on the freeway and eventually commute on it. I started and warmed it up, and drove up and down between my town and one town over. I didn't go over 45, but I did get quite comfortable with it. Hooray. I'm on my way. This weekend, I shall conquer the freeway. Wish me luck and safety!!

As far as safety goes, I do have good gear. I have a well-fitting, well built helmet, an armored jacket and gloves, and wonderful knee and shin guards. I have been using my hiking boots as well, to cover my ankles. Good gear is expensive! I still need about $500 worth of personal wear-able protection (the boots alone are $200-$300), then I'll get new tires and saddle bags for my bike.

The other awesome thing I did for the sake of safety was take a motorcycle safety training course. It was a three-day course, half of which was spent learning to safely ride and maneuver a motorcycle. I would recommend this class to everyone who rides or wants to ride. It was excellent.

Riding is a lovely combination of freedom and fun when done safely, and I expect it to be a life-long joy for me.

HOPE

Earthquakes

It's big news now. It's constant news. The networks, the paper- they are all talking about the earthquakes going on around the world. So here's the question: What would you do right now, as you are reading this, if the earth started violently shaking?

I asked a co-worker this question, and he said he would run down the stairs (that are lined by glass windows), and go outside to get away from the building (where there are power lines and chemicals galore).

If the earth were shaking, he wouldn't have made it down the stairs, even if the glass wasn't a majorly overlooked part of his plan. A couple of weeks ago, I fell down a few of my stairs and hurt myself pretty badly- and the ground was stable at the time! I can only imagine trying to get down a full flight of stairs (yes, I've counted: 21 stairs).

So in America where we have good sturdy building codes, we "duck, cover, and hold on tight." Get under something sturdy and hold on to it if you can. If there is nothing to get under, try to get against an inside wall and protect the head and neck from falling debris.

I am currently going through classes called CERT or NET training. They have these classes around the country, and it's free. My family has a much better chance of surviving and helping others to survive a disaster because of these classes.

So what would you do if disaster struck right now? Are you prepared?

Grief

It's amazing how the body works with the mind. When we're heart sick, our bodies react. "Oh, we're sick... better mess up the stomach- no the whole digestive system and make a whopping headache to go with it."

Ugh.

Bar Staff

What is with people these days? I understand that the bars are seeing a bit less business, but this is ridiculous.

I don't frequent bars very much, but I love to sing Karaoke. One of my favorite KJ's moved over to a different bar, so I went there to see him. Now three is the magic number for me. I'll give almost anything three shots. This place had its third and final shot.
The bartender is inattentive and sometimes downright rude, even when it's slow. Last time I was there, they had the COOK tearing up the floor where people were trying to play pool and the stage area where people were supposed to be able to sing. I sat there anyway, after all, the KJ is my friend. I sat there until the concrete dust and high pitched squeal from the equipment the cook was using to tear up the floor got to me.
I found the manager and complained about this. He looked me in the eye, and promptly, without saying anything to me, went to the wall to play a game. WOW. Ignored by the bartender and the cheesy-car-salesman-looking-manager.

So tonight, I decided to go to my old haunt instead. The same waitress who always ignores me was ignoring me again, so I went to the bar and promptly got a drink from the bartender.
The KJ has no semblance of order. He was letting the stripper girl sing when she wanted, the cowboy got do-overs and the super drunk girl just grabbed the mic and sang with everyone. He announced the order and who was on standby. Then after the next singer, he announced a totally different order.

Now I tip really well. I tip a dollar a song, and a dollar per glass (I drink a lot of water and usually one alcoholic drink when I go out). Why would I be treated so poorly? I think I'm just frequenting the wrong places, which happen to be convenient because they are close and I know most of the people who sing there.

Sigh, time to find a new place with a courteous staff. Wish me luck.