Grief / Issues

Different people respond differently to grief or issues.

One woman might focus all of her jealous insecurities on the ex-girlfriend of her lover. The woman I have in mind harbored hatred in her heart for someone she had never even met, creating wildly unreasonable scenarios in her mind to justify and spread her hate. Realistically, it is sad that she is so self-loathing that she has to deal with her issues in this way.

I witnessed a woman attack two people she had never met last night- a man who I believe set her off, and a woman who was an innocent bystander. This poor twenty-something drunk woman obviously had suffered greatly as a victim and was taking her issues out on others that night...

My friend is finally leaving her abusive husband of twelve years- and he is acting to defame her and damage all he might have access to before she is gone.

We all act out when we are grieved. It is easy to fall into the trap of not caring about the healthy way to heal from our hurts, whether it be victimization, a death in the family, or an ending relationship. People are self-centered and when they are upset, their own pain is all they can see or feel.

Please, people- get some counseling! This is what psychologists are for: to help us through our issues and to make healthier choices for ourselves and those we affect. There is no shame in calling on an outsider to get help to work though serious issues that could affect our thinking and beliefs for the rest of our lives if we don't deal with them. We also tend to fall into self-destructive patterns. Emotional wounds don't heal like physical wounds- we have to work through our issues and come out better for it. It takes work and an open mind.

We all grieve and have issues. I deal with mine by writing, crying, and yes, I do go to counseling. It does help.

HOPE

I am woman. Hear me roar.

I have never been the average girl. I am tall and some find me imposing. The only time I have felt petite is standing next to my 7’3” brother. I have never been too into hair and make up either. I’m pretty, but rarely “high maintenance” pretty.

Anyway, to add to this dynamic that I grew up with, I have taken on activities that are more guy-focused. Martial arts for one. I used to have these big thick-necked guys come in to talk about classes, and they looked at me a certain way (oh the girl- she must work the front desk or sales). They looked at me a whole different way after their introductory lesson with me. Martial arts not only changed my persona, but I always had to work harder than the men in the industry to prove that I was just as good/strong/skilled as they were.

The newest thing that I have done lately that causes this phenomena where people look at me differently is my motorcycle. It’s mostly a guy stereotype, and the girl is stereotypically supposed to be the passenger.

I have a pretty feminine jacket and a butterfly helmet. I ride everywhere I can, and I LOVE it. People STARE though. Men and women look at me like they can’t believe that a lady would be riding her own bike. Many of the women I encounter this way catch my eye and then stick their thumbs up- there is a certain empowerment to this, and women seem to understand and support this dynamic.
I have joined a couple of welcoming lady rider groups, and they are a variety of fantastic women who share pride in doing what they do. There is a tint of feminism in the general attitude among them, and I love it. I am woman, hear me roar.

Stepping- or Riding Out!

I just bought my first motorcycle. A friend accompanied me for my first time riding it (and I was so thankful he was there). I stalled and restarted it a few times and drained the battery. I push-started it a few times while I was out. Hooray for hills and a friendly guy to help push my bike!

Anyway, I am not a mechanical person- AT ALL. I do enjoy being an empowered woman though. Another friend offered to charge my battery for me, but that meant that I had to either ride the bike to his house (and I'm too new to ride on the scary freeway just yet), or take the battery to his house. This meant that I had to figure out where the battery was on my bike, then take it out. It took me quite a bit of time and a few consults to the wonderful MOM (Motorcycle Owner's Manual), but I did it. I even saved all the bolts and remembered how to put the thing back in!

It's funny how my neighbors looked at me- out in my driveway, turning a wrench on my bike. It made me smile. Yeah, I am that kind of girl.

Anyway, I decided that I need to practice on my bike and get better at riding it so I can take it out on the freeway and eventually commute on it. I started and warmed it up, and drove up and down between my town and one town over. I didn't go over 45, but I did get quite comfortable with it. Hooray. I'm on my way. This weekend, I shall conquer the freeway. Wish me luck and safety!!

As far as safety goes, I do have good gear. I have a well-fitting, well built helmet, an armored jacket and gloves, and wonderful knee and shin guards. I have been using my hiking boots as well, to cover my ankles. Good gear is expensive! I still need about $500 worth of personal wear-able protection (the boots alone are $200-$300), then I'll get new tires and saddle bags for my bike.

The other awesome thing I did for the sake of safety was take a motorcycle safety training course. It was a three-day course, half of which was spent learning to safely ride and maneuver a motorcycle. I would recommend this class to everyone who rides or wants to ride. It was excellent.

Riding is a lovely combination of freedom and fun when done safely, and I expect it to be a life-long joy for me.

HOPE